[mirroring this post from cohost since it's dying. original post date: june 24, 2024]
one of my partners (who also came up with the star-based rating system I use for rating games (most games are a 2/5)) wanted to know why I gave futa fix: dick dine and dash a 5/5 rating.
the stars are:
- not actively regressive/bigoted
- not a complete waste of my time
- I recommend someone else ever play this
- gave me something to think about afterward
- personal arbitrary point
we're focusing on that 4th one. here goes.
but it struck me at a really weird time in my life, for whatever reason. in 2018 I kinda processed that I was trans and I talked to my doctor about it. she promptly went "oh ok but I'd rather you get in to a counselor to talk about your mental health before we go anywhere with that."
it would be another four years before she went "oh wait I can just get you going with a nurse who has been working with getting people on hormones in this same office for four years now". thus, 2020 had me two years deep into the funk of "for some reason, I'm not on hormones yet, please respect my transness anyway" which felt bad even as I was being respected in my (at the time) permanent digital-only format of some voice, online. this wouldn't end for another two years.
my experience and relationship with sexuality is uhhhh. janky, to say the least. prior to getting on HRT, I spent a truly unfortunate amount of time dealing with random bouts of arousal (3-5 times a day when I was unoccupied by actual tasks, at least daily even when I was busy), to the point where I just felt annoyed by it most of the time. I resented my body for it, mostly, although nowadays, I kinda miss it, since I'm only going to get aroused outside of situations with my partners when I'm hormonal because of my period. no real happy middle ground there yet. kill me.
but around the time that I became aware of this porn game, the better part of me had fully accepted that I was A Woman (tm), albeit with a lot of growing to be doing. squaring that with my taste in porn has always been a sore spot for me, but that's another topic; the relevance here is that I was, when I played futa fix in late 2020, someone with an overactive libido and an attached dick who was processing also being a woman. it was a weird time, mentally, for me, and my on and off flirting with assorted people in the gap between my egg crack and my belated hormones was honestly an extended trainwreck of me trying to work through that. a "woman" who had nothing but her word on that, lonely, easily titillated and stimulated, for whom nothing was really working out.
futa fix is about a woman who wakes up one day and she's grown a dick, with an irritating sexual appetite to match. her first reaction is to become a shut-in because she's petrified at the thought of people finding out, and she eventually goes back to work and opens up to her friends and coworkers and they all accept her (and fuck her. obviously). oddly, this counterpoint to my own experience, a woman who suddenly had to deal with the shit I had been dealing with for ages, felt strangely representative to me. the main difference being, of course, that she could get laid and I'd failed at that quite a few times.
but somehow this stupid video game where aliens trying to conquer earth or something (I don't remember the plot twist at the end of the game very well) give a woman a dick and she gets to fuck all her hot friends gave me something resembling... hope? like, well, maybe one day I'll be hot enough to get away with shit like this. it'd be cool if I could be a little impulsive and take some risks and find some intimacy that makes my life more worth living. but for now I'll just have to keep trucking.
insert smash cut to the 3-month follow-up appointment to my first dose of hormones where I have multiple partners because I said some shit as a joke.
that's why I gave futa fix the fifth star for "gave me something to think about." what sort of ass-backwards life am I living.
